


as long as i get up, then...

by Sneakyfox55



Series: Things Are Alright [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst with a happy ending(?), Brotherly Love, Crying, Death Symbolism, Depression, Everyone's just trying their best, Existential Angst, Flashbacks, Frisk Has Issues, Frisk what exactly did you do, Gen, Good W. D. Gaster, Grief, Magic, Medical Inaccuracies, Monster Dust, Nice Humans, Not Happy, Papyrus (Undertale) Knows More Than He Lets On, Papyrus (Undertale) Needs a Hug, Papyrus is trying so hard, Post-Undertale Soulless Pacifist Route, Protective Papyrus (Undertale), Sad Papyrus (Undertale), Sans (Undertale) Needs a Hug, Sans (Undertale) Remembers Resets, Selectively Mute Frisk (Undertale), Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sort Of, Suicidal Themes, Tags Are Fun, Undertale Saves and Resets, at the most like 3 chapters, because i have no self-control, because it's sad, but it's gonna be pretty short either way, coma?, did i mention this was sad, everybody does, falling down - Freeform, he needs a hug, i should not be able to have them, it's slightly implied Gaster and Sans/Papyrus are related but not official, kind of, magic injuries, monster magic, no idea how long it's gonna be, nobody is okay, okay now there's probably going to be 5 chapters, oops the tags are spoilers i guess, or 4, probably, seriously idk, sleep being used as a euphemism for death, why do i love hurting these characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23868817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sneakyfox55/pseuds/Sneakyfox55
Summary: Sans seems to want to sleep.Papyrus isn't okay with that.
Relationships: Frisk & Sans (Undertale), Frisk (Undertale) & Everyone, Papyrus & Sans (Undertale), W. D. Gaster & Sans
Series: Things Are Alright [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098353
Comments: 28
Kudos: 150
Collections: My stuff





	1. tired.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by these [these](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1DGjhoiq-4) [two](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwDVHT8I7YA) songs

_It was a beautiful night._

_No clouds plugged up the sky, like they usually did. Rarely did the moon appear but it had arrived earlier, and with it came its companions, the stars._

_Unlike the moon, they didn't light up the Earth, even in the dark. They didn't bring much when it came to a night as dark as this; and yet, there was something about them that didn't compare to the rest of the universe. Not the clouds, not the moon, not even the infamous sun itself._

_They were different. Peaceful._

_Hopeful._

_...And cold._

_They burned out quickly when the dawn came, disappearing long before the moon (not that it ever disappeared, anyhow). They were outshone, by greater, more important sources of light._

_Stars had a certain fragility to them. Even if they stayed, somewhere in the deep void of space while the daylight reined, they refused to shine until the darkness returned._

_Even if they stayed, no one could tell anyway._

_They were snuffed out by the world around them._ _They never lasted for long._

_...And maybe rightfully so._

* * *

Ever since coming to the surface, Papyrus was set on not only making friends with the humans, but also helping Frisk in their ambassador duties; and having officially chosen to be their mascot, there was no doubt he had a lot of work ahead of him.

For the most part, humans had been very welcoming to them, which was more than any of them could ask for. He didn't like to think about it but part of him had a feeling it wouldn't go as smoothly; though, that was just all the more reason to be happy!

...Kind of.

Not that he was complaining, or anything of the sort, but... 

He wished there were other things that could change, too.

But that was being silly, so he kept that to himself. He was certain things would be okay, regardless.

...Right?

* * *

Today was the big day--and what a beautiful day it was! Papyrus could hardly wait, for today would be the day monsters were finally declared official citizens of Ebott; it was wonderful! It was exciting! It was...

...It was also a bit nerve-wracking, but still!

Oh, and his brother definitely had to see it too; regardless of his laziness he'd make sure to bring him, there was no way he'd let him miss out on something like _this_.

Finally, they arrived at the building, after ten minutes too long, Papyrus thought--Frisk was practically bouncing in their own seat, signing something rapidly to Toriel, who signed slowly back after a pause. Frisk bounced again, clearly excited about something; Papyrus had absolutely no idea what they were talking about but he was excited about it nonetheless, whatever it was!

"SANS!" he chirped to his brother, moving to point out the window. "LOOK, THERE'S KING ASGORE!!"

"uh-huh."

Papyrus beamed, trying to disregard the amount of exhaustion he picked up in the other skeleton's voice.

As soon as they got out of the car, he raced up to go shake hands with the king, and accidentally almost ran over Alphys in the process--so he started talking to her instead, and for a minute he forgot about his brother, even when he came up with Frisk.

"U-um, I-I'd, I'd love to talk to you Papyrus, r-really," the lizard monster eventually stammered out, "b-but, um, I'm needed at the--"

"OH, NO PROBLEM! IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU!!"

Barely giving her a chance to say goodbye, he turned to follow the former queen into the building, realizing he might be late. Frisk followed, with Sans more than a couple paces behind them.

"SEE YOU LATER, LADY ASGORE!"

The former queen gave him an amused smile before leading the way back to her van, not before waving to the both of them along with Frisk, who leaned out the window in the backseat. Papyrus himself kept waving long after the car pulled out of the driveway and rolled down the street, exclaiming, "WELL, THAT WAS FUN!"

He then turned to his brother with a slightly aggravated look. "BUT I WISH YOU HADN'T FALLEN ASLEEP DURING THE MIDDLE OF IT! HONESTLY, BROTHER, I--"

He stopped.

He put his hands on Sans's shoulders, shaking him gently. "UM, BROTHER?"

The other skeleton seemed to blink back to reality, but didn't look any less dazed. "oh, uh--sorry, Pap. guess i zoned out, heh..." His voice was slurry, and Papyrus didn't like it.

"ARE YOU _REALLY_ THAT TIRED?" he sighed, pretending to sound more annoyed with him than he was. Sans just gave him one of his signature lazy grin in response, gently pushing him away.

"kinda. sorry."

"IT'S FINE." He didn't like that he apologized twice, for some reason. "IT'S LATE ANYWAY, SO..."

Trying to push down a pang of concern, Papyrus led the way into the house, making sure Sans was following. He was, but, agonizingly slowly. Or maybe it was just him overthinking it.

Deciding to help his brother to bed--because obviously with how _tired_ he was, he'd just fall asleep on the floor without his help--Papyrus ended up slinging him over his shoulder ( _carefully_ ) and made his way into said brother's very stuffy, very gross room, ignoring the urge to complain. He set him down ( _gently_ ) on his worn mattress, then carefully pulled the messy sheets over his form.

"GOODNIGHT, BROTHER," he said, a bit awkwardly, before moving to take his leave; only to come to a halt when he felt a hand tug at his arm weakly. He glanced back at Sans, shoving down another pang of worry.

"thanks," murmured his brother, looking very, very sleepy, and--and much older than he was, Papyrus thought.

And sad.

Papyrus tried not to worry, but he did.

"ARE YOU OKAY?"

Sans chuckled--Papyrus couldn't tell if it was genuine or not, in the moment. "yeah," he assured. "just need some rest, you know me. ...heh."

"SANS..."

"don't worry about me," he said, quietly. "i'm fine. i promise."

_No. No, he's not. Don't leave him. Stay._

But he had promised, right? Sans always kept his promises.

"...OKAY," Papyrus said finally.

Sans smiled at him, almost real, Papyrus noted. But not quite. A bit sad. A bit regretful.

"right, well..." He patted his arm affectionately, "go get some rest yourself, wouldya? ya don't wanna stay asleep too long, you got stuff to do."

 _SO DO YOU,_ he almost said. But he knew Sans needed the rest. He was certain of it.

So he went to go to the door, and again, he was stopped. The grip on him was a bit weaker this time.

"i love you."

His smile was soft. Real, this time, definitely.

~~But it didn't feel right. Why was he looking at him like that, like this was the last time they'd...~~

"I LOVE YOU TOO." Papyrus leaned down to hug his brother, and Sans immediately hugged back. His hands were ~~alarmingly~~ cold on Papyrus's back.

He hesitated.

Then he let him go, turning away. He said goodnight to him once more.

And Sans's eye-lights flickered.

 _HE'S FINE,_ Papyrus told himself, over and over again, as he went to the door. _HE'S FINE, I KNOW HE IS._

_He promised._

He stepped out into the hallway, not knowing why his soul ached so suddenly, not knowing why his soul seemed to scream for his brother--not knowing why Sans had looked at him the way he did.

Not knowing why he felt cold.

...But he shut the door anyway.

And his soul felt like shattering because of it.

* * *

_It was the middle of the night. Papyrus was lying on the couch, a discarded blanket having flopped onto the floor beside him._

_He hadn't been resting very easily. Something was bothering him, and he wasn't sure what._

_At least Sans was--_

_"Pap?"_

_He jumped up from the couch, a bit startled. Sans stood in the doorway of the kitchen, a blanket wrapped around him. He looked almost... Worried._

_"UM, YES, BROTHER? WHAT'S WRONG??"_

_Sans glanced away, looking troubled about something._

_Papyrus noticed suddenly there were tear-tracks on his cheek._

_"can i, uh... heh, it's dumb but--"_

_"WHATEVER IT IS, I'M SURE IT'S NOT DUMB."_

_Sans hesitated._

_"can i stay with you?" He tugged at his blanket anxiously, and for a second Papyrus thought he looked like a babybones; which was very odd because normally in the past, he himself would be the one requesting such a thing._

_"OF COURSE."_

_He looked a lot more relieved at that prospect, and Papyrus quickly scooted over, moving his pillow and blanket to the other side to make more room. The other side of the couch dipped slightly as Sans joined him._

_"...sorry."_

_Papyrus glanced at him. "FOR WHAT?"_

_"bringing you... into this."_

_...Oh._

_But why should he be apologizing for that? Papyrus would always be willing to help his brother, no matter what. That was what family was for._

_And certainly didn't excuse the hurt he knew Sans was dealing with._

_Sans should never feel sorry for that._

_"DON'T BE." Papyrus scooted opposite of his side, and paused before wrapping his arms around his brother comfortingly. "I'M... I'M REALLY GLAD YOU TOLD ME."_

_"...really?" Sans blinked up at him, seeming almost surprised. Well, that just wouldn't do._

_"OF COURSE! I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY." He held him a bit tighter, nuzzling his skull against the other's._

_"but don't i--what about--"_

_"I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY AND YOU ARE **NOT** A BURDEN, SANS. YOU'RE ANYTHING BUT. I MEAN, SURE, YOU'RE LAZY AND YOU MAKE BAD PUNS ALL THE TIME AND CAN BE ANNOYING, BUT FOR STARS' SAKE, DO YOU THINK I'D ABANDON YOU FOR THAT OR SOMETHING?"_

_"was kinda hoping you would--"_

_"NO! DO NOT HOPE! ...I MEAN, YES, HOPE, BUT DO NOT HOPE ABOUT THAT BECAUSE THAT IS RIDICULOUS. I WOULD NEVER ABANDON YOU, NO MATTER HOW LAZY YOU GET OR HOW WORSE YOUR PUNS BECOME," he pulled him closer, into his lap, "OR HOW UTTERLY INFURIATING IT IS THAT YOU DRINK KETCHUP OUT OF A BOTTLE. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT. I DON'T CARE ABOUT **ANY** OF IT; AND IF SOMETHING IS BOTHERING YOU, WHATEVER IT MAY BE, AND HOWEVER WEIRD IT MIGHT BE, I WOULDN'T ABANDON YOU THEN EITHER, BECAUSE YOU'RE MY BROTHER. AND I LOVE YOU."_

_"..."_

_"...SANS?"_

_"i love you too."_

_Papyrus blinked._

_"DO YOU PROMISE?"_

_"what?" Sans looked at him incredulously. "you want me to **promise** you i love you?"_

_"NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN--I WANT YOU TO PROMISE ME SOMETHING ELSE."_

_"uh... ok?"_

_"PROMISE ME YOU'LL NEVER, EVER KEEP ANYTHING TO YOURSELF AGAIN."_

_His brother shifted, a new sort of uneasiness taking a hold of him. "Pap..."_

_"I'M SERIOUS," Papyrus reiterated, "LIKE I SAID, IF SOMETHING IS BOTHERING YOU, EVER, I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU DEAL WITH IT ON YOUR OWN. WE HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER, OKAY? NO MATTER WHAT."_

_Sans avoided his gaze._

_He knew his brother didn't like promises, but..._

_"_ _...PLEASE, SANS."_

**_Please._ **

_"...okay."_

_Papyrus's soul didn't ache as much, after hearing that. It felt warm, almost._

_Everything was warm. And he beamed, as though to bring his own kind of warmth._

_"but, uh..." Sans added after a moment, a bit sheepishly. "'m kinda tired, so, can we sleep now?"_

_Papyrus rolled his eyes, but he didn't argue, and instinctively pulled his brother closer._

_Soon, they both fell asleep._

_And the stars continued to shine brightly outside._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~sorry~~


	2. chill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Sans is asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next one c':

_He didn't know where he was. The warmth of his bedroom was gone._

_Cold. That was all there was, cold was everywhere, cold was **everything** , it--_

_He was cold. His soul was cold._

_And he wanted to lie down in it._

_He belonged with the cold, every part of him did. He wanted to submerge himself in its embrace._

_Cold was his being. He knew that, he'd always known that._

_Sleep._

_Sleep was cold._

_Death was cold._

_Lie down and be cold, he told himself._ _It never lasted for long._ _He'd wake up later._

_Just sleep._

_...So he did._

_And he didn't wake up again._

* * *

He was cold.

Papyrus normally never got cold. Cold didn't affect him like it did others, partially maybe because he was a skeleton. But the fact of the matter was, he never felt it.

Until now.

Now was different.

Everything was cold: his room, Sans's room, their house altogether...

He couldn't seem to get warm.

And throughout the night, he was submerged in cold.

Morning had come, but Papyrus didn't seem to notice. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night prior, and his bed seemed too uncomfortable. So he decided to get up. It was still rather early outside, though, and waited downstairs for some time.

Then he went to go wake his brother.

...He couldn't.

And the sun felt cold.

* * *

_You are certain he is not just sleeping?_

_I KNOW HE'S NOT. HE WOULD HAVE WOKEN UP BY NOW, HE WOULD'VE--_

_But what could have caused this?_

_I DON'T KNOW, HE'S DONE SIMILAR THINGS LIKE THIS BUT--BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT, THIS--_

_I will go call Dr. Alphys._

_\--HE NORMALLY WAKES UP, HE ALWAYS DOES, I DON'T--_

_WHY ISN'T HE WAKING UP, **WHY DIDN'T I** \--_

Sans sat up with a jolt, and immediately felt a chill throughout his entire body. He glanced at his bed-stand, trying to see what time it was only to realize...

He didn't have a bed-stand. Or alarm clock.

He wasn't even in his bedroom, for that matter. Just in his bed.

Alone.

No walls to surround him.

Only darkness.

And cold.

But he decided to get up anyways.

His slippered feet touched the black ground, cautiously but not exactly fearfully, as though he was used to it. He put his weight on said feet, and stood, only staggering for a second or two.

Slowly, the void faded. His room came back, but it was grayed-out. He turned to find his mattress was gone. There were walls here now, but empty walls. Lifeless.

The carpet didn't feel like carpet, but he walked forward anyways, unsure but somewhat intrigued. He went to touch the doorknob only for the door to shrivel away from him in response, disappearing into the floor like it never existed.

For some reason, he wasn't scared.

Just concerned about something.

~~Concerned about someone.~~

Stepping out into the barren hallway, Sans looked around at his surroundings. Almost as soon as he did the hole that led to his room started mending itself together, and even then he remained relatively calm, if not slightly wary.

Then he started heading to the right. And he froze.

There was a door there, gray just like the rest of the area, on the same wall his used to be just a minute ago. It seemed even more faded out from everything else.

He walked over to the door, a bit faster in his pace, then hesitated; his soul seemed to flip in his rib cage, and he almost didn't touch the doorknob for fear of it disintegrating against his touch as well.

But he reached out anyway, because he couldn't seem to leave it alone.

He jiggled the knob. It didn't budge.

A mixture of relief and terror tore in his soul again, and he wasn't sure what to make of either:

Relieved it didn't open. ~~Relieved no one was there with him.~~

But terrified of where he was.

_WHY CAN'T YOU?!_

He whipped around, the voice seeming to reverberate through his very bones. He felt another pang within his soul. Vaguely, he recalled the voice. He remembered.

Then another voice entered.

_I-I'm s-sorry, I-I-I d-don't k-know--_

_THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING YOU CAN DO!!_

He remembered the place he was in.

_YOU HAVE TO--YOU HAVE TO DO **SOMETHING--**_

_I-I don't, I-I h-have, I-I haven't d-dealt w-with something l-like this--_

_PLEASE, JUST, JUST TRY, I--I CAN'T... THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO..._

The voices starting fading out of his mind. One of them had already fled.

_I CAN'T DO THIS WITHOUT..._

Without who?

Who was the voice talking about?

Who was the _voice_?

Sans remained frozen, just as the voice uttered its final words,

_WHY DIDN'T I JUST STAY?_

...Then,

it was gone.

His soul ached, and he turned to look at the stairs descending down into ~~their~~ the living room.

Tears seemed to blur his vision. He just stared at the wispy, dark figure down below, its face contorted in a terrifying smile.

He wasn't scared.

He wasn't tired anymore.

He just felt cold.


	3. asleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where everyone has realized Sans is sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for all the kudos and comments, it means a lot to me!!
> 
> so have some more feels :)

They paced outside the room, hair dangling over their face, which they didn't bother to try to fix. Their hands fidgeted at their sides, and they couldn't seem to sit still despite Toriel telling them to do so.

It frustrated them to no end that because they were a child, this matter "didn't concern them," according to everyone else--most of everyone, anyway. A lot them were the human nurses and doctors. 

But... Papyrus was a different case, altogether.

Granted, whoever they'd asked wouldn't tell them about it, but... He wouldn't talk to _anyone_ about it, much less Frisk. Many a time they'd tried asking him what happened and they'd gotten no such answer, no matter how they pressed, or how kind they tried to be about it.

The only thing they knew was that their friend had Fallen Down. And even that had been a bit difficult to get out of people.

Nobody wanted to talk about it.

But they wanted to. They had to know.

...They thought they did know, already.

Without warning they decided to enter the room behind them, ignoring the protests of their mother and the doctors; even Alphys looked at them nervously, as they went up.

 _Can I see him?_ they signed at her.

Hesitantly, after giving it some thought, she nodded.

So they stepped forward. He was lying on the bed, motionless. He looked more asleep, rather than ~~dead~~ Fallen.

Carefully, they inspected his form. And carefully, they lifted one of his hands in their own.

Dust rubbed onto their fingers.

They set his hand back down, as gently as they could.

They fought back the tears that were threatening to take over their eyes. The lump in their throat thickened, but they refused to cry; not yet. Not now.

Papyrus would be coming to see him soon, too. His visits weren't short like everyone else's. He stayed a long time.

Just enough time.

Frisk knew what to do.

* * *

The doctors and nurses left later that day, trusting Alphys with the unconscious skeleton. They'd been helpful as best they could be, despite not knowing anything about the situation--despite not quite understanding.

Alphys herself was... Well...

She was nothing short of _terrified_ , now that all responsibility had been handed over to her.

The last time she'd been faced with--

 _No_. No, no, she needed to be strong for everyone.

 _Don't give up,_ she told herself. Everyone was counting on her.

She could do this.

* * *

It was late.

Toriel had called him just a few minutes ago, saying Frisk wanted to stay longer. She asked if he could bring them home when they were done. He'd agreed.

He arrived in time to see the former queen off. She'd hugged him, probably in an act of comfort, but he ~~was too ashamed~~ didn't really feel assured by it.

...He should have been.

He shouldn't have been worrying his friends like this. They had enough on their plate with... Everything.

He shouldn't be selfish.

But he was.

And because he was selfish he didn't enter the room right away. He wasn't ready. Frisk, being the kind human they were, sat out with him.

Alphys came out, at some point, to get a drink. He still didn't move.

She came back. He didn't say anything, but she started to talk to him, instead.

"H-he's..." She stopped herself. Her voice cracked--barely noticeable, but still. "...Doing... Okay."

He's doing _okay_. Ha.

"You can... S-see him, y-you know, he's n-n-not..."

She sounded close to tears. Frisk looked like they wanted to stand up from their own chair, but they didn't.

Alphys sniffled a bit, then went back inside the room.

Papyrus knew what she meant. He wasn't dead yet. He could see him no problem. He was fine for now. Stable.

...But he also knew that wasn't the simple answer of it all.

His brother was dusting. He wasn't dying, but he was in the process of dusting.

He'd Fallen.

And for some reason, that was when it truly hit him...

And his entire world came crashing down.

* * *

Frisk jumped up from their chair this time, the second Papyrus buried his skull in his hands and started shaking. They quickly did their best to wrap their arms around his hunched form, not complaining when he in turn held onto them just a bit too tight.

A sob left him, unhinged, and broken. And then another, and another, until his cries echoed through the building itself. Frisk didn't say a word the entire time.

They just stayed there, sitting on their knees long after it hurt to do so, and eventually, they couldn't help themselves.

They cried too. Their shoulders shook too with him, as they shared in their best friend's grief.

Eventually, he started saying something, something only they could have picked up:

"I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HIM. BUT I WASN'T, I--" He broke off, coughing on his words. "I-I SHOULD HAVE--"

"There's nothing you could have done," they croaked out, scratchily. He shook his head insistently.

"I--I DIDN'T SEE IT, I-I IGNORED HIM WHEN HE--I IGNORED--"

"It's not your fault."

"I JUST--GODS, I JUST WANT TO TELL HIM I'M SORRY," he choked, "I'M SORRY FOR LEAVING, THAT'S--THAT'S ALL, I JUST--"

They didn't want to let go.

They didn't...

"I JUST WANTED--"

And his voice trailed off.

"I..."

Silence, for a moment.

"...I... I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I'M... I'M SORRY..."

Frisk said nothing.

"...I'M SO SORRY, SANS..."

They were sorry, too.


	4. the bed i've made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Sans looks back.

_He'd been smiling for quite a while now. Pretending. Always pretending._

_Pretending was one of the only things he knew how to do, sometimes._

_It was safer, than the other options._

_Better, in some ways._

* *

_He knew he’d made him a promise that night. And the last thing he wanted to do was lie to him, but..._

_He shouldn’t... Worry about him. He couldn’t **let** him worry._

_Back in the underground he’d grown accustomed to pretending, so he could manage this now._

_It was his burden to bear._

_Only his._

* *

_He was tired. A bit more than usual._

_Not necessarily for a specific reason; or, a **good** reason, at least. That’s how things usually were for him. He just had off days._

_(Those “off days” were getting more frequent, even now.)_

_Still, he’d told his brother not to worry about it. He’d be fine. He always was. He always would be. He always got back up in the morning, always._

_Everything would be fine._

* *

_He was getting tired. Really, really tired._

_He just wanted to sleep._

_But he’d keep going. For him._

* *

_Maybe it’d be okay, if he just slept. Just for a little while._

_Maybe..._

* *

_Still, he felt sad, when he was leaving. Like he knew what was really happening._

_But it was alright. He knew it’d be._

_He always got back up._

_Always._

_Papyrus would be fine._

_He’d see him again._

_Even if he didn’t,_

_he didn’t have to worry._

_Everything would be fine._

* * *

He always kept his promises.

He always _used to_ , anyhow.

Now, he stood in their living room. He stared at the empty ground with his empty sockets.

“...heh,” Sans laughed.

The figure in the edge of his vision shifted with a large frown on its face.

Sans glanced back up, meeting the gaze of the figure, his dim eye-lights then flitting around the faded amorphous copy of his house.

**Y o u w a n t t o g o b a c k .**

He blinked at the figure. The figure blinked back. It wasn’t judging him. Rather, _he’d_ never judge him.

But yes.

He had to go back.

If nothing else, to make it up to his brother.

Keep his promise this time.

_He wouldn’t fail this time._

Gaster’s frown twisted down further.

**I u n d e r s t a n d y o u r p a i n , S a n s .**

Sans knew he did.

**I n y o u r s h o e s , I w o u l d w a n t t h e s a m e . . . I _d o_ .**

Sans nodded in acknowledgement.

Gaster missed Papyrus, when he was alone here in the void.

Now both of them did.

But it wasn’t simple to get him back.

It wasn’t simple to _go_ back.

Letting out a dry chuckle, Sans slid to the floor, covering his face with his hands.

“why do i do this to myself?” he mutters with another little humorless laugh.

 **D o n o t g i v e u p ,** Gaster practically scolded, **y o u s t i l l h a v e t i m e .**

What was the point?

The damage was done, wasn’t it?

...And maybe it was better off this way.

* * *

“Papyrus,” called Frisk softly, peeking their head out of the room.

It was the next day. Sans wasn’t getting worse. He wasn’t improving, either.

They knew what they had to do for certain, and they’d prepared themselves, as best they could.

Now, all they had to do...

Said skeleton looked up at them, expression uncharacteristically weary. They weren’t sure he’d gotten sleep at all in the past few days. (Neither had they.)

Still, he managed a small smile, just for their sake. “What is it, human?”

They hesitated.

Then signed, _I have an idea._

He didn’t seem too hopeful, but...

They’d fix that.

Even if he denied their request, and what they wanted.

Things would be alright.

They’d make sure of it.

* * *

His head was buzzing, even as he shook his head in a firm _no._

Frisk just kept up at it, begging him while speaking in hands.

_It’d work—it **would** , somehow, we could just—weaken it first—_

“No, human,” he repeated, and he’d keep repeating his answer, for as long as he had to. “You... You don’t need to do that. He can...”

He wouldn’t wake up on his own. ~~Because of him.~~

“...He’ll be fine. You don’t need to...”

_But what if he’s not?_

Their signing was growing desperate. Tears filled their eyes, mirroring the blurring of Papyrus’s own vision.

_What if he doesn’t wake up? What then?_

“Frisk,” Papyrus cut in, bordering on shaky. The more they insisted, the more his own panic rose, but he tried to keep calm still.

_I—I have to fix things!_

“No, you don’t.”

He clasped their shoulders gently, making them look up at him, their gaze still pleading.

“You don’t have to make up for things,” he told them, “you already have.”

Frisk tried shaking their head, but he went on,

“We care about you. We still want you here, and we always will, no matter what. So please... Do not exchange your life for his. Promise me you won’t.”

The child flinched in his hold, and he let them go.

They held up their hands, signing again, albeit said hands quaking:

_But what about Sans?_

Papyrus didn’t know.

He just knew he couldn’t lose anyone else.

Frisk was still his friend, despite everything.

He didn’t want them to leave, too.

Never again.

* * *

After a pause, Sans felt something gently fall onto his back. Almost squishy, almost moving in place.

**Sans.**

Gaster’s voice was a bit clearer.

Sans met his gaze, as the other monster rubbed his less-than-physical hand against his back.

**Do not give up. That is not what Papyrus would want.**

“i’ve done a lot of things he didn’t want,” Sans choked, halfway between a sob and a deranged giggle. “that’s—all i’ve ever done is dig myself a hole, y’know? he’s always been there for me and what i do? take advantage of it. kick all the dirt in the hole on him.”

 **He does not see it that way,** Gaster provided, and naturally the other had a comeback.

“’course he wouldn’t. he’s too good for me. too good for anything—he’s better off without me,” he rambled, his voice dying out somewhat, getting quieter. “always was, i don’t why—why i told him everything, now he’s gotta deal with that on top of me—trust me, this is better.”

**Stop it. You are not helping yourself.**

“don’t want to,” he mumbled, turning away again to scratch at his hands, just a touch of magic flickering on his fingertips, “don’t matter. i don’t deserve nothin’. Pap’s... he’ll be fine now. doesn’t need someone like me, ruining his life. he’ll be—”

**S t o p .**

The other void-ridden monster’s voice had returned to its normal detached self, still stern but a bit more angry. Sans had no choice but to glance back at him, expression akin to a child in trouble.

**I r e f u s e t o l e t y o u f u e l t h e s e t h o u g h t s .**

Sans chuckled, “yeah, well. no one needs me, okay?”

**C o r r e c t .**

He blinked, a bit taken aback by Gaster’s matter-of-fact tone.

“...wow, r—”

 **N o b o d y n e e d s y o u , t e c h i n i c a l l y s p e a k i n g ,** Gaster went on calmly. **...But they do _want_ you.**

Sans just blinked again.

Then glanced away, not believing.

**You are not a burden, Sans. They care about you. Papyrus most of all. And he wants you back. You can sense that, right?**

Sans clenched his fists.

**You might never believe it yourself, but he’ll always want you around. You mean the world to him.**

Sans squinted his eyesockets,

**and for that reason... You might as well be needed by him.**

Once more, Sans laughed.

Then, he brought his legs up to his chest, hugging them painfully tight against himself, a sob escaping past his teeth.

Gaster let him, as one of his hands, less melty in nature, rubbed circles into his back as the other trembled.

**Promise me, at least, that you'll come back to him.**

Sans’s sobs grew louder, but,

he nodded waveringly, and Gaster smiled.

He could tell he meant it.

**Say hi to him for me, too, will you?**

Sans nodded again, his grin softening just slightly even as tears continually streamed down his cheekbones.

“sure thing, old man.”

And he laughed a final time when said “old man” proceeded to slap the back of his skull.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry we're not quite out of the woods yet--


	5. things can align

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans thought he didn't want to give up, but...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot of this chapter was just pure emotion-fueled impulse writing (if that's a thing) so--

_SANS?_

_BROTHER, CAN YOU HEAR ME?_

_* *_

_it won't work._

_* *_

_PLEASE._

_COME BACK._

_I..._

_* *_

_it's better this way._

_* *_

_I need you._

_* *_

_nobody needs you._

* * *

Even after everything... Even after all she’d done for him, after all everything _everyone_ had done for him...

This was it.

And even after years of experience with this,

Alphys couldn’t push down the pain that tugged at her soul. The _agony_.

She should have done something more.

She should’ve—

“It’s not your fault.”

She wiped at her eyes, and turned her eyes back to the other skeleton. It was just the two of them, tonight. Like usual. And like usual, he could read her like a book.

She hated that it was so easy for him to see through her. (But, she supposed, while her experience was with science and medicine, his experience was with that.)

Still, she managed a watery smile.

“I know,” she lied.

Lies, all lies. All she ever did was lie.

Papyrus’s face was a mask, now. There were bags under his eyes, deceiving the lack of sleep that plagued him. Long-dried tears stuck to his cheekbones; he had no tears left to give, after all.

...Ironic.

He was a spitting image of his brother.

Without saying anything, he rose to his feet from the chair he’d sat upon. Then he made his way over.

And he embraced her.

Neither of them said anything.

But despite Papyrus’s outward appearance, his soul was obvious in its thoughts. It wasn’t hard for Alphys to hear what it was saying to her:

_I know how you feel._

And she knew he did.

She hugged him back, and for a while, she just cried into his scarf.

She cried until she couldn’t anymore, while Papyrus merely kept her close, comforted her.

She knew this wasn’t the end of it. She still had more work to do.

She had to be brave, not weak. Not be a coward anymore.

...

But,

it didn’t hurt to take a moment like this one.

“I’m sorry,” Alphys whispered, when she finally pulled away of her own accord. Papyrus just smiled softly, likely only for her. Just her, not because he wanted to. His arm was still on her shoulder.

“It’s alright.”

“B-but y-your... Your scarf,” was all she supplied with a voice crack and sniffle, “I—i-it’s all g-gross now...”

The skeleton stepped back, letting his arm fall at his side. “It’s just a scarf, Alphys. It can be washed, if the need really came.”

The lizard monster just nodded shakily, clasping her hands and claws together.

Silence.

She didn’t hate silence, but, she knew Papyrus did.

So she said, “Th-thank you.”

Then, not to just fill the silence, and now with a bit more sincerity...

“Thank you, Papyrus.”

“...You’re welcome.”

With nothing else to say or do, Alphys made her way over the machine, checking it again. The number was still below his normal HP, and she figured at moment, he had a chance of dusting completely; already, she could see his body starting to break off into pieces. It was a matter of time.

She wasn’t an idiot (at least, she liked to think she wasn’t as much of an idiot as she used to be). He had Fallen Down long ago, and that alone had sealed in his fate.

...But...

She’d heard of something, once, long ago, from someone she once knew. Even if a monster had Fallen Down, if they had enough willpower, enough Hope, enough _Determination_ within themselves... Then there was a chance they could come back.

Too much Determination was a bad thing for monsters. (She’d know that firsthand.) But, with just the right amount, even a monster, who normally wasn’t physical enough...

There was always just a small, sliver of a chance. It was a chance, though.

If Sans wanted to come back.

If he was _Determined_ to, just enough...

Maybe...

Maybe he’d wake up.

Maybe she’d do something right by him, this time.

She could only hope.

* * *

They hovered over the button, mulling over everything in their head.

...

And yet, they couldn’t bring themselves to do it.

They just couldn’t.

He wouldn’t want that. He’d want everyone to be happy. He’d want his brother to be happy, for _them_ to be happy, despite everything.

But they wouldn’t be happy, in a world without him.

...

They thought back, on what they’d suggested to Papyrus. They could suggest it to Alphys, too. Trade in themselves for him, somehow, some way. He couldn’t handle their Determination, they knew that, but...

Maybe, if they used just the right amount...

They wanted to risk it.

They needed to.

* * *

The next night came; the night it was expected to happen.

That night, everyone showed up. Even the former king had even shown up to pay his respects.

The room was despairingly quiet. No one even breathed—not that they needed to, other than Frisk, but still. And everyone was in their own state of grief.

Alphys was trying not to break down completely. Every so often, she’d sniff, though barely enough to shatter the silence completely.

Undyne stood beside her stiffly, seemingly fine, at first glance; but her face was a blank, yet bitter scowl. And if anyone was close enough to see, they’d be able to spot liquid just barely peeking out of the bottom of her single eye.

Toriel was in a similar state, though more obvious in her woes. She’d been crying a bit ago, and she had to fight hard to not burst into tears now. Frisk stuck by her like a magnet, crying silently into her robe, and Asgore practically hovered by his ex-wife and her adopted human child, perfectly still. He was supposedly the least likely to show his emotions about this at all, and yet, there was a deep, deep sadness etched on his face. Just plain, utter grief, for someone he hardly knew, but mourned even still.

Papyrus was the closest to the bed, just standing next to him. If no one else knew better, they’d probably say he was a statue. It wasn’t hard for him, either, seeing as he was a skeleton; he had no muscles. No reason to move at all.

And he truly _didn’t_ have a reason to move. Even when Alphys came over to check the machine one last time; even when distantly, he heard her conclude his HP was still dropping; even when one by one, everyone said something akin to a condolence, or a eulogy of sorts; even when one by one those same people left when they were done, until it was just him in the room.

He had no reason to move from this spot.

He had no reason to leave altogether.

The silence, now, was suffocating him. It almost hurt.

But it could never hurt as much as actually talking, or moving, or leaving, or _staying_.

He recalled Alphys telling him, just a little while ago, before his health started dropping, that his brother did have a slim chance of waking up.

Even when Falling Down, there was always just that _one_ chance, that one _sliver_ of hope that they’d have enough Hope to wake up on their own. Alphys had said that’s what she had betted on sometimes herself. Just that silly _chance_.

...

And even now...

Papyrus smiled. He knew he was grasping at straws. He further proved this when he offhandedly thought of describing the silence as “deathly,” in his haste. It was dumb, but it somehow cheered him up, even if a little.

Sans would’ve made a joke about it.

He would’ve...

...

He would have done a lot of things. Not things that allowed him to stay in bed.

A lot of things, later on, in the future—if he got better. They were on the Surface, there’d be endless possibilities, endless things to do.

Maybe Sans would have traveled the world. Maybe he would’ve taken Papyrus with him, and they would have seen all the different places they could be in now, the world was _huge_ now, maybe Sans would have realized that, maybe they would have gone to live somewhere else, perhaps by the ocean, where the sunsets were at their peak, Papyrus heard.

Maybe Sans would have hung out more with Frisk, and the others, and everyone would come over to their house and Papyrus would cook them the best meal they’d ever had, like he always did and would. Maybe Lady Asgore and King Asgore would have gotten back together. Maybe Flowery would have started being nice, and decided the world wasn’t as boring anymore, and he’d get his soul back, somehow.

Maybe, Sans would have fixed his telescope, or gotten a new one, and they could have found a field somewhere, and gazed at the stars. Together. Maybe they would have sat under the stars, and moon, and sun, and everything else, and just talked about their day with each other, and how good it was. Sans would have said his day had been okay, when he really meant it was _amazing_. And Papyrus would have just said as much right away.

Maybe...

Maybe, truly, Sans would have gotten better.

And maybe, Papyrus would have been right there with him, supporting him, helping him—accompanying him along the way.

Sans would have been okay.

...

But... That was...

Those were “would have’s.” Not “did happen’s.”

And it was Papyrus’s fault, for not letting them happen.

For giving up, even if he hadn’t meant to. For abandoning Sans, even if that was the last thing he’d wanted.

For not loving his brother, like he could have, even though he thought he had, with all of his soul and heart and _everything_.

“I’m sorry,” Papyrus spoke into the quiet, finally destroying it, for good. He didn’t care that his voice shook, or cracked, or even left him completely, in the end. He kept talking. “I’m sorry that I—I-I wasn’t there for you.”

_Sans would have reassured him, telling him it was his fault instead, for not telling him._

“But it’s all my fault,” he choked, “it _is_. I should have—”

He cut himself off. The desperate part of him took over his guilty side.

“P-please, I—if you—if you can, please come back, I...”

Again, he stopped himself.

It wasn’t for him to decide.

If Alphys had been right,

Sans would have to wake up on his own.

If at all.

...

But maybe...

His thoughts were interrupted, as the door suddenly opened.

* * *

The two of them stood in front of the previously-separated rooms, now melded together. Gaster floated silently beside Sans, as the other stared at the door, almost looking through it.

 **It is time,** the void-ridden monster said to him calmly, his voice stable, for now. **They are waiting.**

Sans’s hands shook, even though he kept them in his pockets. The door morphed and shook before him, and he felt something like apprehension fill him.

“...i’m...”

He turned his skull to Gaster, his normal grin twisted into a frown.

“i-i don’t know if i want to go. i know said i did, but, i—”

**You have to.**

“but—”

Gaster cut him off, resting a melting hand on his shoulder. **You’ll be fine. I promise, you will be. Your brother will take care of you. Everyone will. And you’ll take care of him, and them for me, won’t you?**

Sans hunched in on himself.

 **It is your choice,** Gaster affirmed with finality, **but please keep in mind: you will not be able to go back, truly, if you stay here. I know that from experience. Don’t risk regretting what you didn’t do. Do everything while you still can. There’s still time for you.**

And yet, the skeleton glanced away, still appearing reluctant and uncertain.

“...what about you?” he rasped, at last, his voice scratchy.

The amorphous being lifted Sans’s chin gently, giving him a reassuring smile, as best he could in that form.

 **I’ll be fine, Sans,** his voice echoed softly. **Papyrus needs you more than I do.**

Sans didn’t want to give up again, but...

But he’d be leaving Gaster, again.

He’d be joining a world he wasn’t sure he could live in, again, an unstable world he wasn’t sure he could _survive_ in; a world that could be taken away from him at any given moment.

A world where Papyrus could be taken away, again.

...

But here, Papyrus wasn’t even present.

Here he couldn’t even see his brother anymore. Or anyone else. Or Frisk—even if he hated to admit that he missed them.

If he stayed here, it was a given he’d never come back. He’d never live the life he wanted.

He’d never see Papyrus again.

...

He wanted to see him, again.

He wanted the chance to live.

He wanted to live on the Surface, to experience all the things he couldn’t have before, under the stars and moon and sun, surrounded by the people he loved, the people that loved him.

He wanted to live with an entire world ahead of him, even an unstable world he wasn’t sure he could live in, a world that could be taken away.

He just wanted a chance.

He didn’t want to stay asleep, anymore.

He wanted to be _awake_ , to see, and feel everything he could.

He wanted to _live_.

So, with one last look at the forgotten monster beside him, Sans grinned, and twisted the door open.

* * *

Frisk walked into the room slowly, their soul hovering on their cupped palms as they edged closer. Papyrus said nothing, at first, and watched them come over beside him, standing over Sans.

They turned their gaze to him, stony, in a way.

And then, they turned to the bedridden skeleton, letting their soul float over to his limp form.

“Frisk,” Papyrus began, trying not to sound too scared. They were scared too, if they were being honest, though they didn’t say so. They didn’t know what was going to happen to their soul, or their friend.

They just wanted him back.

So they willed that.

Time paused around them, as the soul bobbed over Sans’s lifeless body.

They willed him to Continue.

They wouldn’t Reset, they promised. He could live, now.

They cared about him, they said.

Their soul stopped glowing. The color fading.

They turned to look at Papyrus, who stood frozen, still in the middle of being concerned about their actions.

They wouldn’t take his brother from him, they promised.

Sans could come back.

He could live, now.

Without them.

* * *

When time pressed on, Papyrus realized Frisk had disappeared.

Sans had stopped moving; rather, he’d stopped dusting, the flakes of bone no longer flakes, but reforming back.

Something in Papyrus’s soul reignited, just as his brother’s eyesockets fluttered open, and he turned to him dazedly, a bit confused and seemingly relieved to see him, and alive.

Papyrus choked on air.

Then, he pulled Sans against his chest, sobbing into him.

“I’m so sorry,” he found himself saying, though it didn’t mean anything, as Sans reassured him by hugging him back, and saying it wasn’t his fault. Papyrus clung to him, so, so afraid he’d still disappear, and all that he had left of him was a pile of ashes and his memory to live on in himself.

“’m not gonna disappear,” Sans promised him, pressing his teeth to the top of his younger brother’s skull as best he could, weak and tired. “’m not gonna leave you again, Papy. promise.”

The tears just kept coming even so, and he probably inadvertently subjected Sans to them, as Papyrus nuzzled his face against him further. “No.”

“...no?”

“I’m not leaving you again.”

He didn’t wait for a response, gently but firmly increasing his grip on him, making sure to never, ever let go again.

“I will never leave you again,” he whispered, to reinforce it; make sure Sans understood, for certain. Make sure Sans knew how important he was to him. “I love you. I will never abandon you again. I promise.”

“you didn’t abandon me.”

Papyrus didn’t try to argue, though he knew better.

He’d left Sans alone when he needed him most. Because he didn’t know what was wrong. He didn’t want to know what was wrong, because he was scared. Scared of losing him, if he messed up.

But if he never tried, he would have lost him anyway.

And he almost did.

Papyrus almost screwed up, and he knew that.

He...

He was shaking, wasn’t he?

Sans proved to him as much, as he pulled away slightly, trying to steady his arms. “hey,” he murmured, grinning softly at him, “don’t worry. i’m here now. that’s what’s important.”

...Yeah.

Yeah, that was more important.

“Just promise me something, please,” he added, just slightly raspy, this time. Sans hesitated, but not for long. He nodded. “Promise... You’ll tell me, if you want to sleep?”

Sans knew what he was referring to. And he responded, “i already did.”

“But I want you to keep it this time.”

The shorter avoided his gaze.

“I want things to be better. I want _you_ to be better. Please.”

Papyrus breathed out shakily.

“...Please, tell me if...”

_If you’re “tired.”_

_If you “want to sleep.”_

_If you want to lie down, and never, ever wake up again._

“...i don’t.”

The younger skeleton gave his brother a look, not believing. But Sans smiled, genuine, surprising him.

“i’ll try not to be so tired, at least,” he affirmed.

“You don’t have to try.”

“still.”

A pause.

“...it’s... i know ‘s not gonna be easy, Pap. but i do want to try. there’ll be days where... y’know.”

Papyrus nodded, slowly. He did know. Sans would still want to sleep, sometimes, and not get up again.

“...but i’ll get up again.”

Would he?

“i promise.”

Papyrus met his gaze,

and he found he truly, really meant it. His soul said so. Every part of him said so.

“i want to live,” Sans said softly, “i want to see more of the surface.”

Papyrus must have started crying again, for Sans reached up to wipe a tear away.

“i want to stay with you, Papyrus; ‘cause you’re my brother. and i love you, so, so much.”

In return, the taller just nodded slightly. He didn’t have the words to say it anymore, but he loved Sans too, so, so much.

And he’d help him stay, when he couldn’t find it in himself to. Help him stay awake, help him live.

They’d see more of the Surface, and the stars, and life itself.

Sans would be okay.

Not “would have been.”

 _He **will** be okay, _Papyrus promised himself, and Sans alike.

He hugged him again, just for good measure. No—because it felt right. Because his brother meant more to him than anything else.

And Sans hugged him back, still grinning from nonexistent ear to nonexistent ear, for he felt the same.

For he knew he’d be okay, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND IT IS DONE
> 
> i will probably make at least a story with Gaster thus turning this into its own series, but for now this is the end. thank you so much for reading and following this story, it means the world to me! until next time <3


End file.
